I am puke
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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