She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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