That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize