I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
