my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
