OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
