All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
