I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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