so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
