to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
