can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
