My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
