At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
