i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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