apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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