fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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