Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
