found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
