um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
