Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
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You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize