Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
