My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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