He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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