I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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