When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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