we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
