Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
