She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
