we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
