Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
