man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
