I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
