i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
