i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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