Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
