just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
