I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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