I love black thongs
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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