just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
