is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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