So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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