I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
