Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
