fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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