My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
