When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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