I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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