Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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