oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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