You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
