Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
