I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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