god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So squirting runs in the family.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
