Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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