I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
