Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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