oh god the rape fog is back!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
