just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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