he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
