are you so shy because you have an std?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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