She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
