I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
