I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
