as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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