my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think i got beer on your cat.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
