quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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