i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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