Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.