Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.