I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize