My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.