you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"