The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
