i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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