saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
