I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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