literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
